Renton: So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.

/Trainspotting

I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other,
but no one really likes each other.

/The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Cbosky

-

Despite the fever, I feel so much better today (physically, mentally and emotionally) and ate KFC hahaha the Flaming Chilli and Sizzling Spice drumlets are super shiok :3

It's almost a month since I'm back.
And I have become lazy and ceased to seriously plan anything beyond the next day. It's a good thing. Cos there hasnt been much waking up early and squeezing things into a day etc, but the thing is, I feel like I've been doing Nothing. Apart from reading three books, meeting up (not that I've done that alot either, compared to the last times) and working for 3 days in total, I've not done much. Nothing, really. Well, I finally managed to buy a sketchbook from Popular ystd. But it's still blank.

And that's why I like deadlines (okay, I've got say 7weeks to start working). Cos it makes me feel busy. And when I dont feel busy, I can be quite a procrastinator; I'm supposed to go to Spotlight since three weeks ago, and have yet to. My laziness makes me miss working in London cos I've got everything there in my room.. I dont feel like 'omgg damn lazy to go out to buy glue/paper/fabric' haha

And now that I'm sick, it gives me an excuse to stay at home and rot.

Hurl Scouts: We're number two! We're number two!
Razor: You guys came in second out of two teams.
Hurl Scouts: Whoo!
Razor: Yeah, let's celebrate mediocrity! That's fantastic.

/Whip it

-

I've got a cold :(
After four weeks of alternating between a blocked nose and a mild sore throat, my body finally gives in and I'm down with both :< I dread sleeping especially when I've got the sore throat (which explains why I'm still up); the waking up sucks. Somewhere in btw The House Bunny, Angry Bird and Trainspotting (a great movie, I recommend it (y)) at Ash's, I started drinking lots of water, I swear I went to the toilet at least 10x. I knew I shldnt have eaten the deep fried sotong from Old Chang Kee. And B&Js. And I think the smoke catalyzed it. Oh btw, pi pa gao is damn awesome (I think strepsils pale in comparison). It tastes familiar but I dont think I've taken it before. Hmm. Too bad I dont have it at home; I think I shld buy a bottle back to London just in case.

The pearls weren't really white, they were a warm oyster beige, with little knots in between so if they broke, you only lost one. I wished my life could be like that, knotted up so that even if something broke, the whole thing wouldn't come apart.

/White Oleander, Janet Fitch

-

My stomach seems to not really like oily food nowadays. My appetite seems to have grown smaller too. And I just bought a pair of shoes today <3 Hee.

I'M STILL HERE

When all's said and done, I'm still here.

I know it was the right thing to do. Or was it not.
Was it just what I thought was the right thing to do. Or was I running away from it all, in the name of 'doing it right'.

Then agn, if given the chance, I'd still have done the same.

COULD YOU TAKE MY PICTURE ?

I have yet to decide if I quite like looking at photographs taken. But this is the way I am—constantly undecided. Sure, when I look at old pictures, I am immediately reminded of a moment in time, I am brought back to another realm—where we put our picture-faces on, ready for the camera—yeah, and the other “unglamourous” pictures that make you want to squirm into your skin and hide out for a bit. Why are people so concerned anyway, it’s not like we could ever look picture-perfect every second of our life. Why be picture perfect any way?— I am nostalgic, and melancholic.
But whichever the reaction to photos, it doesn’t matter.

Maybe we are constantly taking pictures because we are afraid, and we know the fleeting nature of our adventures. In my head I am worried that I may never, ever see this ever again, that I may never see your face again, and so I take a picture—not that I have not already been taking mental pictures of you, hoping I may never forget the beauty of your face, the idiosyncratic changes in your every expression. In my mind I am thinking should this pass, will I remember—I don’t want to forget, damn this barely used brain of mine, if you could just remember, more—I am having an internal struggle with the workings of my inner self, and before I know it, the moment is gone, as were you, a passing glance, a moment in time. In actual practice, and in actual fact, maybe I am afraid to look at all these pictures, not that I am half expecting an unidentified flying object to appear in any of them, but I am afraid. I am afraid of all the things that have changed since I last took the pictures—all that has been, are all that has been. If you get what I mean, at all.

It’s like buying an insurance—I take a picture of you—just like that way I buy a life insurance for myself. Sure, it’s an investment: should I die, I would have something to my name, at least, for whoever. But do I really want to die. I take a picture because I want to remember this when the moment is gone, but do I really want this moment gone? So soon? (Bad example? Maybe.)

But where was I. Yes, pictures and the likes. Notice how we take more photos when we are on holiday. Strange, isn’t it. As if life ain’t worthy of some kind of remembrance. I guess we take our daily lives for granted. Why rush into things when we have any other day to do so? Makes one wonder why we live only when we realise our time is running out.

Typical, typical.
At the end of the day, maybe we are all just left with a bunch of photographs.

/thatsblasphemy.tumblr.com

SO.

I went to teach earlier today (or ystd), and I was so nervous before it I called Justine and Shiming haha at one point, I was surrounded by so many kids (because the end-of-sch bell just rang) I thought I was gna develop kidsophobia (cant be bothered to check the correct term for it). But okay, now that it's all over, I'm missing the kids already :<



They're so cute okay.



One of the Korean girls wrote 1-100 (zomgg can, cos she told me she was gna do just 1-10 initially) in Korean for me to learn, hee







And the Malay kid thought I was Malay, and the Korean kid thought I was Korean hahaha so cute please. I wish I had taken a picture with them :<

OH HONEY,

LOVE IS,

Awesome food



& Awesome Music (or otherwise known as Lunar Node)



With Awesome friends

As people, we all take the time to figure out what our hearts need.
Sometimes with a little temptation and desire for the unknown, having something we don’t need can become more appealing

/boymeetslove

-

Great night.
Went down to Peranakan Museum today to support Benjamin. It was Awesome. If you're free tmr (Saturday) night, you shld go down too ! If I'm not wrong, they're playing at the same timings- 1930 and 2100.

Went cycling ystd with Benj David and Jiayi (Xiuf and Tzuk pangsehed; we were very much on the verge of giving up actually), and Maximillan was right. I shld have worn long pants and knee guards; I fell down twice :< I was distracted the first time (I think I was talking too much ahhahaha), and the second, was just plain silly. Ohwell. I honestly dont know how people can take part in a competitive cycling race. Just having someone cycling beside me on my left side (dont ask me why), makes me nervous like hell haha :S

Oh and I watched Despicable Me and Inception, both of which are very good ! But dont watch Inception when you're sleepy cos it requires you think alil. As for Despicable Me, watch it anytime ! Hahaha, defo gna be one of my all-time favourite movie :3

YOU

And I thought of you, you and you.

Not you, in particular.
But the you I first met, the you I'm used to, and the you I wish I knew more of.


No one knows me better than you do, which makes me afraid because. How am I going to find another you. Yet, what I want is not you, or another you, but-

A FLOATING HTML FLOAT

This is what studying overseas does to you.

My mind is in a perpetual state of confusion, heart gets indecisive, and am always where im not supposed to be.

Then again, I've always been like that, no ?
(Yes I know I complain alot)

YOU WERE SWINGING FOR MARS

BARBIE QUEUE

Woop woop.

Thank you all for coming !!

It went well, I think. Or maybe you can tell from the picture below, hahaha







Finally met up with people (Drexler Justin Shirleen Wilson) I've not seen for agessss (lik, close to a year or longer ?!).



I think I'm sick now though. Block nose and itchy throat :<

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova

METAMORPHOSIS

You taught me to love.
You never said, ‘Only the rich, only a thimbleful.’
/Bright Star

-

What an irony.


Perhaps, I've not grown much afterall.
I still have that selfish tendency to run away. To get away from it all. To just pack up and leave, and never return. But even that, I am too much of a coward to do so. Eventually, I know I'd return when I feel I've ran enough and that I'm done with it, or when I realise that maybe everyth was actually better back then. But, just maybe. Because by then, I'd have been running for so long, I'd not remember what it'd felt like before I started running.


And do not have any expectations of me.
I'd only disappoint you, because I am really not who you think I am.

Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning, the reason is simple, I couldn't understand the beginning until I had reached the end.

/White Oleander (movie)

CH-CH-CH-CH-CH CHERRY BOMB

-

I just realised something when my brother and I were discussing font faces earlier today.

Arial better ah ?

Nicer, not so fat

Have I been unconsciously discriminating Verdana because it's.. well, bigger ? I used to like Verdana, until I discovered Tahoma, Trebuchet MS, TW Cen MT and Helvetica. There's also Courier New which is not say, small in size, but Verdana's like dua on all sides hahahaha !! If I've got time, I'd definitely do a proper illustration on this. But right now, my bed is beckoning me :3

-

I dont think I rly believe in things like meant to be or not meant to be. At least that's what I feel about now. Because if not, why then, work hard trying to make a r/s work if say, you two are not meant to be (or meant to be) in the first place. I dont know, but things like Fate ? Sorry, you can have fate with just about everyone you go on the tube with every morning. But why is it not fate that the person who just boarded the bus just sat beside you ? That's probably because the person does not look like anything off your dream boy/girl list. It's similar to how your couple radar goes up and you tend to notice the couples around you more just after a break-up. You only notice ppl/things that affect/concern/is related to you in some way.

But then agn, okay maybe I do believe in it a tiny weeny little bit. I dont deny I like to giggle over things like omgg we went to the same concert, like the same icecream flavour, and our phone numbers have the same first four digits !! hahaha ohwell. Ignore me.

CAP OU PAS CAP ?

-

The recent hot weather in London prepared me for the weather back in Singapore. The temperature's abt the same, it's just the humidity that gets to me. But I dont have to worry that much about having dry skin here so yeah.

Leaving for svc later. Sure feels alil weird (not in a bad way) to have svc on a Saturday agn, and I'll be taking the circle line !! Like some noob hahahaha

Anyhows, it feels good to be back home ♥

"Remember that at any given moment
there are a thousand things you can love."

/David Levithan

-

I repacked my luggage for the 134093846903th time, reduced the amt of clothes I'm bringing back by more than half, took out 5pairs of shoes and a bag of acrylic paint, and crap, it's still more than 20kg :< What is this.

Anyway.
After weighing my luggage, I weighed myself. And guess what. I've gained another 3kg since I came to London, zomg.

You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast? Well, that’s what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.

/Practical Magic

There’s this certain responsibility (basic, basically)
that applies to every human being in the world.
It’s this general sort of responsibility
and it means you gotta do stuff.
A super hero,
that’s somebody who follows up on that responsibility.

/The Ancient Book of Hip, D. W. Lichtenberg

-

Guess what.
I'm craving for green tea hahaha I've not craved for it since I came back from Singapore the last time. Well, doesnt matter. I'm gng back soon ! Cant wait :D I do feel sad to be leaving London for two and a half months though. But it'll be over before I know it, and then I'll feel sad leaving Singapore. Ohwell. Life's a cycle, sometimes.

I'm watching PS Man right now haha, taking a break from anime and American TV.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YILING ♥

I hope this is still your favourite mambo song haha (:

Something to last for all time
It's never changing

YOU ARE MY STORY

Every one is a story—you are a story to me as I am to you. When I tell a story, I remember you, and you, and you. It doesn’t matter if I got the time wrong, got the dates messed up, maybe I changed the way you looked that day in my mind, and described you a little less accurate than I would like to, or the way you would like me to, but forgive me. Forgive me because that is the way I remember you, and that is the way I choose not to forget you. So let me tell my story about you. You are my story, more than just a story, of course. But let me tell a story about you-I might not tell it any good, but that’s just me—don’t judge a story by the way it was told; if it’s possible, take it as it is, and remember that with every story told, someone is remembered, but someone is forgotten, as well.

When we tell stories, we are really telling stories to ourselves, we don’t wish to forget; and so, we remember, I remember you, by telling stories about you, hoping you’ll know I remember (you).

/thatsblasphemy.tumblr

You've got to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.
/Janet Fitch

-

Yay.
I am almost done with moving. Almost. It was only till after today, that my room finally looks like things have been shifted out of it. I'm just left with two main things- my kettle and rice-cooker :D And bits and pieces of I'm-not-sure-what-too. I cant rmb exactly how many trips I made but I can tell you which side does the tube door opens, and which direction you should turn to avoid the stairs and get on the long escalator, exiting at the exit closest to the road to my place hahaha

And after a few trips, I started praying in my heart every time I'm waiting for the tube.. for say, a corner to put my luggage, or for people to get off the same station as me, or sometmes, just a handle to hold on to. And it's amazing how God answers all of them hee :>

Anyway, I went with my brother and Jiayi (they helped me move today !!) to Song's to have Korean food ! And it was delicious, I tell you. Esp the spicy pork, which tasted like Assa's !! Now I envy Kellie, cos she's gna get married to a Korean guy haha, we played some trivia game on xbox. And I learnt a few things today. Like, the young of beavers and squirrels are called kittens. And that Kaiser Chief came from Leeds. And there are two Bridge of Sighs in England, one in Oxford and the other in Cambridge. And after that, we played some movie game which gives you points for having the most incorrect answers (yeah, me and my bro hahaha, but we managed to not be the last k). We played FIFA too. And it was actually fun ! I dint take many pictures that I would like to but it is a good thing, cos I have yet to upload the many pictures from alpha weekend away, and I'm too lazy these days to do so too.

"You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories."
/Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

-

Waa moving house is no joke haha my shoulders are kind of aching now already. Jiayi helped me today and it seemed like we took forever just to move like a small small section of my whole room haha :S If I am rly gum with the production guys, I would have asked them to help me move haha but so paiseh. Hopefully I've garnered enough readers from the UK to do this hahahaha, if you're in the UK, you're free and do not mind travelling on your own expense (:S), and mayb wld like to flex your muscles, msg/email/fb/msn me (obviously a very desperate attempt) !