I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.

/American Gods, Neil Gaiman

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

/ Annie Hall

-

I can quite possibly quote this whole movie by Woody Allen ♥

I've finished reading Prozac Nation. I dint know quite how or what to feel after that. But well, it was a really good read. After dropping it off at the library, I felt like gng to the nearest bookstore to buy it. I kind of have this thing of owning books. It did take me awhile before I actually literally dropped the book into the returns box at the library. I almost wanted to hang onto it for as long as possible, and keep renewing the deadline hahah. Anyhows, I've started reading Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman :)

Cant wait for my date with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter this Saturday night :D So slow, I know.

Oh and I wna start watching a drama soon.
I shld really go to bed now ! Got work tmr :S

THE GREAT DEPRESSION

An Economist's Point of View on Love

[A guy is drinking alcohol in a bar. Suddenly, an economist stepped in the bar and sits beside the guy.]

ECONOMIST: What seems to be the problem?
GUY: Leave me alone!
ECONOMIST: I can help you.
GUY: What do you know?!
ECONOMIST: I’m an economist.
GUY: I don’t need an economist right now. All I need is my alcohol.
ECONOMIST: But why?
GUY: You can’t understand
ECONOMIST: I can’t, if you won’t explain.
GUY: Can’t you see I’m depressed? There’s nothing you can do.
ECONOMIST: In case you didn’t know, a well known economist named John Maynard Keynes provided an explanation and a solution for the great depression during the 1930’s
GUY: It’s a different story. Besides, this is not about money and the economy. It’s about love, my love.
ECONOMIST: Economists study social phenomenons and it is undeniably true that love is a social phenomenon. I believe that I can give you an economic explanation about love.
GUY: Ok then. If I don’t get satisfied with your answer you owe me a bucket of beer!
ECONOMIST: Deal. But if I win, you have to follow my condition.
GUY: What is that?

[the economist whispers something to the guy]

GUY: Ok. It’s settled then.

[silence]

ECONOMIST: let’s start. Why are you depressed?
GUY: because I’m torn. I don’t know what to do.
ECONOMIST: torn to do what?
GUY: I think I’m falling in love with a new girl…
ECONOMIST: but?
GUY: but.. I think I’m still in love with my old friend.
ECONOMIST: so, you can’t decide who to pursue?
GUY: absolutely.
ECONOMIST: how long have you been in love with this old friend?
GUY: about 3 years already. Since the first time we met.
ECONOMIST: did she become your girlfriend?
GUY: sadly, no.
ECONOMIST: but you courted her right?
GUY: yeah.
ECONOMIST: she rejected you?
GUY: no. I didn’t have the guts to tell her.
ECONOMIST: never, even once, did you ask the “question”?
GUY: yes. I was too afraid then I found out that she already had a boyfriend. And I never bothered telling her how much I loved her.
ECONOMIST: what a disgrace.
GUY: now, I’m afraid to have the same painful experience with the new girl if ever I start courting her.

[guy drinks alcohol]

ECONOMIST: Love is an investment.
GUY: What?
ECONOMIST: I said love is an investment.
GUY: What does that suppose to mean?
ECONOMIST: Just imagine yourself as a wealthy investor.
GUY: Ok, so I’m an investor with lots of money
ECONOMIST: And you invested your money in a company… company TJ.
GUY: How much did I invest?
ECONOMIST: Let’s say, you invested almost all your money.
GUY: Ok. Then what?
ECONOMIST: As an investor and stakeholder of company TJ, you are concerned with the business’ operations and decisions to know whether your money is in good hands or not.
GUY: Yes.
ECONOMIST: Being concerned means you would simply update yourself with the company and be with good relations with it or you could simply ask “questions” to know if you’re money is going somewhere. Right?
GUY: Definitely.
ECONOMIST: However, let’s say that you forgot or you are afraid to ask questions about the company’s operations. As a result, you were not aware that the company was on the decline. Now, it doesn’t take an economist to know the implication of this.
GUY: Of course.
ECONOMIST: What will you do now? And why?
GUY: Obviously, I would get my money back simply because the money I invested in that company is not generating as I expected it to be.
ECONOMIST: True. but, why did you continue to pursue her given the same horrible conditions?
GUY: ….. I don’t know. Wishful thinking.
ECONOMIST: As I said earlier, love is an investment. Just like any economist, you should take care of your own investment. Investments should be taken seriously and deliberately. It’s not something passive wherein you hopefully wait for something good to happen. You have to make sure that the love you invested in a girl is not on the decline. If that’s the case then you should do something before it’s too late.

[guy finishes a bottle of alcohol and orders another.]

ECONOMIST: Do you know the spending hypothesis?
GUY: No, what about?
ECONOMIST: It is used to explain the some of the causes of the great depression. Economists say that there was a contractionary shift in the IS curve which led to the decline of income in the early 1930s coincided with falling interest rates.
GUY: What are you trying to say?
ECONOMIST: Your situation is comparable to this. One of the reasons in the decline of income is the large drop in investment in housing. During the 1920s, there was an excessive residential investment boom and, when it became apparent, the demand for residential investment declined radically.
GUY: Maybe you’re right that I should not have invested excessively up to the point where the demand for my investment declined or was not needed by her anymore.
ECONOMIST: This is just an example that investments should not be taken for granted.

[guy drinks more beer]

GUY: So, maybe it’s better to have not invested at all than to have invested and lost everything I have.
ECONOMIST: Not really.
GUY: But it’s better to have money than to have none right?
ECONOMIST: True enough. But it will only lead to regrets. Regrets of knowing that you could have done something better with that money.
GUY: But but…
ECONOMIST: Money is created for a reason. It is used in many different ways. It is not something that should be kept all the time. Imagine a businessman, he invests or spends money for his business to grow or have more money. Just like love, it should be used or should be given to someone as a gift than just to keep it on your own because through that action it is where one person grows and, at the same time, the loved one also grows.
GUY: But we should save money right?
ECONOMIST: Correct. That’s one thing that most lovers forget. Some lovers think that the most painful thing about loving someone is losing the one they love but it is not.
GUY: Then what is the most painful?
ECONOMIST: it is in losing yourself in loving someone too much to the extent that you forget or purposely disregard yourself of saving some love for your own.

[Guy drinks more beer]

GUY: But how would you know which business or company to invest?
ECONOMIST: A very good question. Investments are susceptible to default on the return of investment. It is not a guarantee that when you love someone you would be loved the same way.
GUY: How would you know if the return on investment would be rewarding?
ECONOMIST: You must analyze the business economically to make sure but it is not an assurance. It is more of a risk because there are some uncertain events that greatly vary the situation.
GUY: Then I should only invest a little portion of my money to be safe.
ECONOMIST: Remember, the higher the risk the higher the return. If you invest a lot, the return on investment would be high, if otherwise, the return would be low.
GUY: But if I invest a high amount and then fail then I would have nothing.
ECONOMIST: That’s why it’s called a risk. You have to deal with it. One of the most painful things in life is regretting things in the past because of letting the risks pass by. It’s better to have risked the chances between the two of you being together, even if the probability is low, than not to have tried at all.

[silence]

ECONOMIST: Are you familiar with the stock market crash of 1929?
GUY: No.
ECONOMIST: It is also responsible for the contractionary shift in the IS curve. The crash in the stock market reduced wealth and increased uncertainty in the US economy. Given this circumstance, what do you think is the effect on the consumers like you?
GUY: well, I would save more of my income rather than spend it.
ECONOMIST: Correct. It’s hard to spend love on someone if you know there are many uncertainties but if you let it hinder you like the people during the 1929 incident then there would be a contractionary shift in the IS curve which will lead to another great depression. Sometimes you just have to take the risks in life.

[silence]

GUY: How I wish I was like the others who cannot invest so that I don’t have to go through this.
ECONOMIST: Some say that but…
GUY: But what?
ECONOMIST: Those people don’t exist.
GUY: Why is that?
ECONOMIST: Because we are born to love. It is in our nature to love. It is what keeps us alive. It is what makes us know we are still breathing in this earth.

[guy drinks.]

GUY: So everyone also invests?
ECONOMIST: Sadly, no. because there are some who don’t want to take the risk. They live a life of regret.
GUY: So, have you ever invested in a business?

[the economist orders an alcohol and drinks]

ECONOMIST: yes, I did.
GUY: how did it go?
ECONOMIST: there was also a contractionary shift in the IS curve.
GUY: so all your efforts were wasted?
ECONOMIST: somehow. It depends.
GUY: depends on what way?
ECONOMIST: wasted in the point of view of the sunk cost.
GUY: what’s a sunk cost?
ECONOMIST: things that you spent which cannot be recovered.
GUY: so what’s the other part?
ECONOMIST: not wasted because I know I did it for my love for her.
GUY: I don’t get it.
ECONOMIST: let’s say that I’m courting a girl. All the things I gave to her like chocolates, roses, sweet poems also my efforts including the time I spent with her like walking in the park, giving her a ride home, watching the sunset together are all known to be sunk costs. It is because no matter what I do, I cannot recover or ask her to give it all back to me. There is no reimbursement to that.
GUY: but how come, the way you describe it, you’re not treating it as a sunk cost?
ECONOMIST: yes, you’re correct about that. Though it is a sunk cost, I consider it more of an asset.
GUY: why?
ECONOMIST: for me, when you love or loved someone, you don’t consider everything you do or did for her as a cost or a liability if you don’t get anything in return. You do simple things for her out of love. Love should be a gift for someone while not asking anything in return. Even if I can’t recover it and had nothing in return, it’s all worth it because I did it all for her.
GUY: but how would your money grow if the business you invested in failed to give the return on investment, just like your situation?
ECONOMIST: in my situation, I took the risk. Though I failed at my investment, I do not consider it as a total liability on my part because through it I learned and grew.
GUY: but how would you able to invest if you have nothing more to invest?
ECONOMIST: Love is not scarce. It is a never ending resource. However, true love is scarce.
GUY: what’s the difference?
ECONOMIST: Even if you fail at the first time or even the nth time. It doesn’t disable you to love others. No one or nothing can stop you from loving other people. Even if you get rejected numerous times in your whole love life, you will continue to love and love and love another until you find your one true love. That one true love is unique and when that person comes into your life, just like any other scarce resources, it should be allocated or used properly to maximize its use. So when she comes, treat her well and never let her go.
GUY: …

[the economist drinks.]

GUY: is it possible for the great depression to happen again?
ECONOMIST: yes, it is possible.
GUY: but why?
ECONOMIST: economists studied many different events that led to the great depression but there are still some that have not yet been analyzed or discovered. The complete causes of the great depression are not yet fully available for us.
GUY: then what can I do to avoid the great depression?
ECONOMIST: though it can happen again economists believe that the mistakes that have been studied will not be repeated. Just like your case, you’re not exempted from getting your heart broken but you can avoid it by not repeating the same mistakes you’ve done.

[both of them drink]

ECONOMIST: have you decided what to do already?
GUY: I do but something’s bothering me
ECONOMIST: hm?
GUY: it’s about our bet.
ECONOMIST: what about?
GUY: why did you bet something like that?
ECONOMIST: just imagine the world if John Maynard Keynes decided not to share his theory on economics. There is a big possibility that the world may still be suffering from the great depression or the time span of the great depression would have been longer.

[guy smiles and drinks]

GUY: it’s amazing how you managed to get me out of this depression through sharing what you know and what you experienced and now I’m obligated to write a blog about this to let others know.
ECONOMIST: whether you like it or not, you have to follow our deal.
GUY: yep. I think I’ll enjoy making that blog. It would be a sign and a confession to her that I’m ready to invest to a new company.
ECONOMIST: may I ask what the company’s name is?
GUY: SM… I’m ready to take the risk because I don’t want to have regrets.
ECONOMIST: always remember that the only regrets in life are the risks you didn’t take.

[both drink alcohol]

GUY: who would have thought you’d win.
ECONOMIST: I may have won the bet, but what you’ve learned during our conversation makes you more than a winner of this bet.
GUY: yes. We all know it’s more than just a bucket of beer.

As long as you keep getting born, it’s alright to die sometimes.
/Orson Scott Card

-

I got my work placement, teehee :>

IN A TOWN FULL OF RUBBER PLANS

-

Chopin has been finally been replaced.
By Radiohead. I must go for their concert, yes.

-

Rain or shine, Finsbury Park is a nice place. I guess. Oh, and I'm halfway through Prozac Nation :-)

Suddenly my problems seemed to have a physical cause, and I was more satisfied with somatic explanations than the usual psychic ones. [...]

I had become so good at saying, glibly, Don't give me a hard time, I've just had a miscarriage, that I almost forgot that it was the truth. I felt like hell. I was physically drained and emotionally empty, and according to my accounting, I didn't think I'd be able to get away with using the I-was-pregnant-and-didn't-know-it-until excuse for very much longer. [...]

"But a lot of people have hard childhoods," I continued, "much harder than mine, and they grow up and get on with it."

"A lot of them don't."

"I dont care about the ones who don't. I think I should be among those who do. I've been so lucky in so many ways, had so many compensations-" It made me sick listening to myself. How many times and to how many therapists had I made this speech? When would I stop wondering what right -what nerve- I had to be depressed? Enough with this going on about all my blessings. I was starting to sound like a character in a TV movie with a title like The Best Little Girl in the World or Most Likely to Succeed "I don't know. The only good thing about this miscarriage is it's given me a reason to feel lousy."

In general, if your life is going to be one long emergency,
it's a good idea to have good friends.

/Elizabeth Wurtzel

YOU CAN BE, IT'S OKAY

THE IRONY

There's nothing I hate more than nothing
Nothing keeps me up at night
I toss and turn over nothing
Nothing could cause a great big fight

Nothing, Edie Brickell

-

I realised that people who has not been visiting my blog for awhile, or just randomly decides to take a look at it, will not know about my prayer request unless they went through my archives, and hence, I thought I shld leave a link to it (possibly every 3 posts or sth; gosh I'm desperate), so as not to deprive them of the joy of praying for Chua Wei Lin 8-D HAHA SO.

I want a sewing machine :(

NOCTURNE

Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you.
And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

Fables and Reflections, Neil Gaiman

-

I finally got my library card.
Prozac Nation wasnt exactly on my To-Read list, but I happened to see it sitting on the shelf, and since I cldnt find what I intended to borrow, I'm reading it now. And I think if I werent Christian, I'll probably be depressed or sth. Harhar. I do find myself thinking the same way Ellie thinks from time to time. More so, recently (not that I'm getting depressed). I think everyone has such thoughts, just a matter of how often. Maybe. I'm not sure holidays are good for me actually. I watched Pride and Prejudice and Definitely, Maybe last night, after which I felt strange. Now that I can afford to let my mind run wild, with Chopin's Nocturnes (mainly Op. 9 No. 2 in E♭ major and Op. 9.1 in B♭ minor) on repeat, I'm thinking quite a bit. But if you were to ask me what exactly am I thinking about, I cant really give you an answer. It's hard to say and explain. I'll probably need a bookful of words. Or some sort of film with multi-sensory stimulation.

Mayb it's just post-assessment. Or the weather.

EXACTLY

'What's your name,' Coraline asked the cat. 'Look, I'm Coraline. Okay?'
'Cats don't have names,' it said.
'No?' said Coraline.
'No,' said the cat. 'Now you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.'
/Coraline, Neil Gaiman

-

Now that I'm done with my CV, I'm blogging. Seems like I'm determined to do anything but my laundry and colour collages. The former is cos well, I'm just plain lazy. As for the latter, I just dont feel like it haha to think I was supposed to have my tutorial on Thursday (that is, today), but Stacey switched with me because she's catching a flight back home on Friday. Oh. And I've got a room inspection today I think. Have not got down to vacuuming either. I shld do my dishes soon too. But I did do alil packing already okay. Which reminds me.. Kpop thinks I make a good housewife hahahahaha obviously he has not seen my room. But I guess so, if your definition of a good housewife is someone who believes in organised mess.

You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime.
/Preludes and Nocturnes, Neil Gaiman

-

Now that I've pretty much Nothing to do, I'm trying to do Something. Nothing productive so far. All I did was finish 119g of chocolate, and finding out ticket prices to various places from London at different dates and times, and then closing all the tabs hahaha just like that, it's 5am already. And I dint get round to doing my laundry and the colour collages due on Friday :S I dint even think of completing my film list (which has increased by 1). And Chopin's Nocturne is on repeat. Yes, I've been having the urge to play the piano, for two weeks already. My parents wld be happy to hear that aha.

And a prayer request.
Please pray I'll be able to find someone to stay at my place from June-Aug ! Cos I wna find somewhere else to stay but my contract ends mid-Sept. I can either move my things to my brother's or my future location first but the former is a waste of energy (cos I'll have to move agn) and both options are a waste of money (cos I'll be paying rent for two months for nothing). Unless I leave my things where they are, but this means I'll have to cut short my holiday back home to settle my accommodation :S So yes, thanks in advance guys !

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.

/A Game of You, Neil Gaiman

THANKFUL

What a day !
Assessment's finally over. French exam's over. I'm just left with a final tutorial on Friday before I can officially proclaim that holidays are here (: And I wna apologise for the lack of effort put into the recent entries of my blog.

Anyhows, I'm truly thankful to God for the last three months ♥ I think this term has been good; it was beyond my expectations. One thing I learnt is that as long as you put God first, everything else will somehow just sort themselves out. Lik, seriously. I dint worry about time and money and money and time as much as I did during my first term, and time and money just came to me. Also, I think I can say that I've stuck to two of what I deem as priorities in my nyresolutions well. Not sure if I'll be able to do the same for the next term, but I am looking forward to it (:

& Lastly (haha I know, machiam lik making speech), I think it's very impt to always have a thankful heart. When we stop being thankful for what we have or who we have in our lives, we take things and people for granted (which I am ashamed to say I've allowed myself to do so so many times). The same goes with our r/s with God (am guilty of this as well). And so I'm getting into the habit of thanking God for something that happened during the day (there's bound to be at least one worth giving thanks for !) regardless of how it went, before I go to sleep.

The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes
/Kingdom Hearts II

THEY DONT MAKE A DIFFERENCE, NO

-

When you need a sketchbook, but you are cashless/ not able to withdraw cash/ too lazy to travel/ not willing to spend money, to do so, make one out of cereal boxes :d



So proud of meself. Saving both time, money and environment lol.

The night was..



I think you'll definitely see me at the next ball haha

But aye, I need to do work now :( Paint paint paint. And then after that, I can start working on my list of films-to-(re)watch ! So far, it's 5.26% completed (and that is if I dont add in anymore films) !! Teehee.

HERE IT GOES AGAIN

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Bojan Beran/Douglas Adams

GOT TIME ?

So. A good relaxing break in the form of CCL-Student-Weekend-Away came and went. Boy oh boy, time flies. Soon, I'll be on my way to Paris. Soon.

Highlight of SWA ?



Haha, photos are here.

And I found the film we watched, on YouTube !
10 parts altogether. 10 minutes each.



Makes me wna go for SOT all over agn. Or maybe not. Having graduated, I shld be doing things out of SOT, and not thinking of doing things in SOT.


Treasure hunting, soon ?

I KNOW I HAVE (:

WHO ISNT

"[The gypsies] have a reputation of being thieves, and beggars.. deceivers, they'll make a scam.. they're a very hated people group. In Europe, they're a problem... They seem to live in congregated areas, and we call them hoods... We look at a situation like this, and we are no different. Our hearts are no different from the gypsies. Who isnt a liar, who isnt a thief, who isnt corrupted, who isnt a scoundrel."

/Finger of God (film)

You and I embrace surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see who we were meant to be

WOOP WOOP

Death is not the greatest loss in life.
The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

/Norman Cousins

-

I was telling Justine about just 9 hours ago, that I've only got about 500words in my essay, and need about 1000-1500words more by latest Friday. And in a span of 3 hours, I'm almost done with it !! Hahaha, I cant believe it. This calls for a tzuki dance !



I am now even more excited for Student Weekend Away :D That was my motivation anyway, teehee.