BABY STEPS

We are persons stultified by fear. Fear of falling, fear of moving, fear of anything that does not come to us easily. And I'm so tired and angry about this fear that pins me down and keeps me waiting. Yet, she is right. In terms of absolute manhours (especially in terms of school hours where days are counted in weeks), why the panic and the unrest? It's way too early, way too short, way too fast to be lurching in any direction. Yet, when the tense is past, probably nothing will ever bring it back. I suppose it's a good and bad thing that we never know the consequences of our actions in the future. Otherwise, it would probably paralyse us all completely into inaction. Or it could jolt us into taking a step in the right direction.

/wednesdayelegy.blogspot

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I'm so easily happied when it comes to things like, receiving my shoes from UO (strange, cos it's a Sunday) ♥ ♥ ♥ or like, vacuuming the flat haha yes I enjoy vacuuming. Seeing things get sucked up, oh joy. And also, resisting the temptation to finish all the food (and chocs and tarts and etc) when I'm already full- proud of myself, such willpower, I know.

But when it comes to matters of the heart, somehow I try not to let myself get too happy and have myself prepared for the worst. It just scares me that I'm not in control. I cant control how much pain I'll feel if things ever go wrong. And because I cant control how things will go, I start to control other things; install a filter, build a dam and lay some bricks. With things like shoes, I can always just get another pair (ok maybe not, got to check my bank statement first aha). Then again, where's that supposed trust one shld have in You and a r/s ?

I hate this.
I hate I hate I hate this.

Focus Wei Lin, focus.

"Maybe the truth is, there's a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things."

/The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Ann Brashares

Again, and again.

Weather (flat/room) cold, productivity low.
Waking up takes ten times the time one would usually take.
Getting out of duvet takes ten times the time one would usually take.
Climbing out of bed takes ten times the time one would usually take.
Getting out of pyjamas takes ten times the time one would usually take.
Getting dressed takes ten times the time one would usually take.
Washing up takes ten times the time one would usually take.

You get the idea aha.
And it's gna get negative this week, ayee :<

BTW.
My phone is dying on me. Maybe it's not used to the climate. 1/5 of my keypad is spoilt. I cant send out any smses or set any alarms (I am so screwed, plsplspls pray I'll just wake up automatically at the time I need to), cos I cant click the 'OK' option -.- I cant close any applications cos the 'Exit' option is not working. And, I cannot create any new conversations with anyone on whatsapp, unless they are the last person to talk to me, cos I cant click 'Back' zz

But there's somewhat this weird sense of liberation hahaha oh technology- you bane of my life.

Yes yes, am blaming everything on the weather.

STANDING ON THE SHOULDERS OF A GIANT

If there's one thing I took away from Student Weekend Away, is that we serve a God whose beauty I cannot find the words to describe, hugeness I cannot fully grasp, and love I cannot even begin to comprehend.

Went for my first ever cliff edge walk. And it was amazing. Just looking at the cliffs, the sea, the sky. Amazing. Things happen for God to be glorified, for His glory to be shown and magnified. But the glory of God is everywhere. Not just in the things He make happen, but in the things He has created. Including people. It's amazing how many different cultures and nationalities are there in just one Student Weekend Away. Culture and nationalities aside though, individually different- thats what we are; might as well celebrate it.

If I can see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, it is only because You raise me up, and by Your great stature add to mine.

Happy Birthday Papa ♥

Hehehe.
Ahh, two and a half weeks more to exhibition :s

My washing machine was seriously scaring me. I was staring at it spinning (and trembling, may I add) for a good ten minutes. I feel for my clothes :O Okla, I shld go prepare and pack my bag for SWA already !

POISON & WINE

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMGG.
I dont know if you guys rmb, or read one of the entries talking about me drafting and writing complain letters and asking for refunds; guess what. YES. 20pounds meal voucher, I'm gna feast woohoo hahahahaha okay, I was reading what I typed and sent and omgg, I think I sound damn fierce. To be honest, I dint expect much as I only wrote in lik, more than two weeks later after the incident. And the only email they have is the feedback email, which some restaurants only care half the time right, esp towards complains (correct me if I'm wrong, but that's the impression I've always had). I feel a bit bad, but srsly the cashier was super rude. But I did not name names okay (but only because they dint have name tags ahahahaha). Anyhows, I'm gna have a free meal whee (y). Wa I really think I rock hahahahahahaha ok shut up Wei Lin.

(Was really tired when I got home but now I'm o.o ahaha)

SLUMBER

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I literally spent the day in bed, and the night drafting and writing complain letters and claiming for refunds haha

Anyway, it really does make a huge difference when you listen to music using headphones. It's amazing :o

THIRTY-FIVE

Happy day(s).

Mercy gave me a pair of headphones today for my birthday whee ♥
Did I mention that Maha told me my nails look so pretty they look fake wahahaha :p ok but I shld srsly cut them by next week now. And this is super funny. Hongsheng called me to compliment on my new hair, but he also called to warn me not to over do it or people might think I'm a lesbian AHAHA okayy.

(And I've another thing to add to my 21st thankyou post aha)
Thankyou Justine chupachupchups; for firstly, the call all the way from Singapore because I know how much you are not not not a phone person and also because, it was at your unearthly hour hehe. And secondly of course, for the blog entry dedication :>

“I believe in a kind of love that brings sailors home from the sea. Made up of seconds and years and the nospace between hands on skin. I cannot believe how much goes on. I can’t even cut out enough red hearts to keep up.”

(But, how can you know for sure)

Uncertain.
I start to save myself; to myself, for myself.

Yet so assured.
You always seem to have a way to silence the skeptic in me, and pull me out again. And again.

THANKYOU

No, I cant. And will never be able to.
But each one of you made it happened, and bought me the greatest gift of all.

And so it was.
That I was warmed, and I was shivering. I had company, though I was alone. And I felt so much, from so little.

Or what, which seems so little.

My 21st.
No big parties, no big surprises, and no big presents.
It was made up of little things. But these little things made it big; short and sweet emails and messages, a-birthday-song long phone calls, ten-minutes skypings, pieces of doodles and sketches, sudden breakouts of the song, mini outbursts of laughters, impromptu indulgences, random tight squeezes, lovely cheek pecks, and small packages (literally and metaphorically) of everything heartfelt.

And just from these little things, I felt very much loved (:
(And this, is a gross understatement)

♥

TO: FUTUREME

So I came home, turned on the water heater, and as usual, switched on my laptop and check my email, while waiting for the water to heat up. And guess what. I received an email from my past hahahaha


(click for bigger view)
(of course I blurred some contents.. okay, 90% of the content hahaha sacred information luhhhh)

So yes. Apparently, I sent an email to the future me (the present, now) on 4 May 2009 haha yes, that's more than a year ago ! (I cant help but emphasise how fast time flies.) At that point of time, it was a spur of the moment thing, so I cant rly rmb what I wrote. Dint write much anyway, but I cldnt help but laughed while reading it. Not because it sounded silly (okay yes it did, alil), but because GOD IS SO GOOD. I can almost hear God saying to me as I was reading it see, you dint know, but I knew.

You shld go to FutureMe.org and write one too ! It was honestly a pleasant surprise to me (which I think it's so funny; I surprise myself on my own birthday ahahahaha) I think I'll send another email soon, but probably to a random date instead of my birthday hahaha

Anyhows. I smell of Assa right now. So I'm gna bathe. Will blog more about my day tmr or sth hehe

Love you guys (both from London and Singapore) ♥ !

ONE MINUTE

I can hear the drizzling outside.
Stillness; nothing is happening, but everything is happening.
The music plays, and the drizzle accompanies. Or does the drizzle play, and the music accompany. It's quiet, but not silent; for silence can be too loud sometimes, all the time.

It's been a while.
The night feels right today, right now.

Sometimes. It really is the littlest things (:

#BIG THINGS

It’s 9 in the morning and I’m awake as hell. But I guess that’s what old people do, get up too early and complain about the world. I do understand I make myself sound about 60 right here, right now. I had the worst day yesterday—with reality hitting you in the face like a man’s elbow in a crowded place—It was a rude shock. Wait, a shock would be wrong because let’s face it, you saw it coming. But bad days are a state of mind, like everything else, and you get over it; better yet, you do things to get over it, and perhaps there was nothing to get over in the first place. One thing I have come to realize, that the key to getting through a bad day, or having a bad day turned good is to just fuck it, and fuck all. Or, to just spend some good, old times with good people. Basically, that is the key to life. Whichever way you like to see this, it’s up to you. But I see good things coming. I see my thesis shaping up, even if it’s probably looking like cookie dough right now. I see it—you know, the nice golden brown cookies that should be the end-product; and I refuse to be pessimistic about things like these. I refuse. It has been a wonderful 2010 so far (-knock on wood, because I am superstitious like this) and I know the days are what you make of them. I have been itching to go somewhere. And I realized it’s not so much any place (except -cough Europe) but more of a non-physical place. I want to go somewhere in my life, and perhaps going away would be the most tangible thing I can grasp. Honestly, it doesn’t have to be anywhere (except -cough Europe) in particular, it’s more like a state of life; a state of being. And I see myself getting there. The only thing getting in my way is time and myself; but I know, I know I will get there soon. With one’s ass in books, and beer in hand (one in each, mind you), we can go anywhere. And I see it coming—I see it for my friends, who have big dreams that they aren’t afraid to chase. I see it all coming together, for every one of us. And it’s not just blind optimism, it’s a belief that this can be done. Just because. Just because we were made to do big things in our lives, for ourselves and no one else. And so, I can’t believe I let myself feel the heaviness of work and school yesterday when I know for a fact that I am going to get through all of these, and I am going to get through all these good. Scratch that, I’m going to be awesome. Wait for it.

/thatsblasphemy.tumblr

“As time goes on I have less and less faith that I can write something good, but I have more and more faith in accidents.”

/Jonathan Safran Foers

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What a wrong day.
Went to school on time but forgot my bag with all my sketchbooks and work, so I had to go home again andddd I forgot to bring my keys with me -.- but thank God I saw Rae when she just left the flat (though I think she was annoyed cos she was gna be late for sch :s) Rushed back school only to wait for lik three hours (shld have just saved the money and take the bus :< ) before finally having my tutorial. Started preparing my warp, but technician left before I managed to finish so I had no idea what to do because I cant just leave my yarns there. Thank God the year3s were willing to help me, but I had to take off the yarn using a piece of paper o.o which took me ages..! And I wanted to do one more set but because I accidentally tied the base yarn tgt with the cellophane, I'd need to measure everyth again but the base yarn was nowhere to be found so I gave up and decided to just go home. And as if a major jam isnt bad enough, the bus driver decided to terminate so I had to wait for another bus. Took me almost an hour to get home -.- and I just realised I forgot to go for this meeting just now, I dont know how it managed to slip my mind cos I even had an alarm to remind me gosh zz

I dont know if I'm tired now, cos I am really tired, or I'm just in a very pekchek mood right now aha I did wanted to cook dinner and prepare for lunch tmr, but I think I shld just sleep now to prevent anything else from gng wrong ahaa

On a brighter note, I finally received the parcel my mum sent (well, I guess at least sth went right today haha).

And zomggg I just saw this.



Jonathan Safran Foers, can you get any cooler ?! :O !!

Read about BucketSocial from Shirley's blog, and I think Keng's project is srsly super cool hahaha

I think it's true what she said (or typed haha).
We get so caught up in life, and sometimes we think we've got lots of time on our hands we put off things we want/dream to do to 'another day'. And this 'another day' always seems to remain as 'another day' (And sometimes we alr know this, but 'another day' still remains 'another day' haa).

Yknow.
I feel that ever since I chopped off my hair, I've become more spontaneous and willing to try new things (couchsurfing !). Change this, change that; do things differently. As the saying goes, change is the only constant in life. But we constantly need change in our life, yes no ? There is no good or bad change, but how we respond to change determines whether it's good or bad yah ? But that's just what I think (more so recently).

Well, life can be unfair, but it doesnt mean it cant be good still :-)

And I want to do so many things now (Sweden baby ! Hahahaha just bought my tickets :p) ! Everyone seems to be talking about bucket lists. Maybe I shld create a list too, so I wont forget !

LIVING DEAD

Before I concuss, I wna show my nails off hahaha



:D
I'm gna have them cut already even though I just painted them; overnight sewing on very thick fabric with long nails - not a good idea haha

& J'adore mes cheveux ♥
Et j'aime le temps d'aujourd'hui
(mais pas la maison de tour en bus >:o )

i'm waiting to submit my stuff but the first group's not done yet and i feel lik i'm gng to sleep anytime anywhere soon zomgg haha thought we're gna have a break before weave but noo, gonna start straightaway :s and i found out also that i need to present my work later >:o ! but ok, i received an email last night from starbucks saying winter/christmas drinks are here todayyy, i've been waiting for the eggnog drink since last winter ended :D :> ok my eyelids are getting heavy bye

HIPPIE FAIL

I wanted to dress up abit more, but Rae said I looked hippie enough. Well, apparently not hahahaha

I ended up looking
1. More fashionable than usual (according to Evie)
2. like an Egyptian princess -.- (Jiayi)
3. a Greek goddess -.- !! (Ivan)

I shld have just gone with being an elf (with pointy ears somemore okay) or a sheep (with hoofs somemore okay) hahahaha, was pretty successful with those last year.

But then agn, I dint want to overdress since I was gna support Evie at her baptism hehe congratulations girl (: !!

After this Wednesday (or 10Dec/ 13Dec/ when I'm back in Singapore), I'm so gna knit my own mohair shawl yesyesyes. I shld actually work on my wrist warmers though.. it's lik uhhhhh 1/4 done since last Winter lmao.

Why oh why am I still awake.
Dont know how am I gna wake up tmr at 0630 :( Byee