(IN)CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT

Knowing unknowingly. Unknowingly knowing.
It seems like these days, knowing more, does not lead me to better things. Rather, I am left dazed and confused. I think I know what I want (then again, what do I know, this is just what I think.), but a small part of me still wavers. Ohwell. Please excuse me.

Anyhows, Justine drove me to, and surprised me with a fabulous place today; EGG3. (Definitely made up for the disappointment we had when we arrived at JW to find that the banmian stall has already closed.) She refused to tell me where we were gng, I thought she was gna kidnap me hahaha (if you were there, you'd have thought the same okay) ! The food is damn awesome; love the sausages :D And we were the only two in the cafe, so we basically treated it like our house; sat on the floor, and lay on the couches wveehee. Then it was to Chompchomp, before Frolick-ing (:

Kim is scolding nagging at me; I should sleep. Bye !

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Liars is all you’re gonna run across in this world. A man has got to learn the difference between just plain liars, and liars worth lovin’.

/Adam

-

I finally sent my camera for repair. And I wont have it with me for a week omgg :s And my stomach still feels so bloated from having laksa for breakfast (and thats like 7hours ago).

LET'S SAY,

"And let’s say I took your hand in a crowd because I thought you were someone else. I would be the girl with messy hair, but I don’t even know what you look like. I fall over a lot, so maybe I fell. grabbed your shoulder, your wrist, your elbow; you saved my life. let’s say violins were playing. they never play in real life, but this isn’t real life I’m talking about anyway. maybe not violins, a single piano harmony, a cello, a silence more beautiful than any manufactured sound. I would stutter out a thank you, a hello, or maybe I’d just smile and let my body do whatever it is bodies in love do.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe in anything, let alone people. the spaces in between my words always spell out a goodbye. there’s no romanticism in it, no poetry or beauty, there is just endless talk of sad things, of things I’ve always been afraid to say.

Somehow this all leads to me telling you the story of my life. I’ve never been good at telling stories; I get sidetracked. I get annoyed at myself and I forget what I’m trying to say. sometimes I lie. sometimes I tell the truth, but I make it sound like a lie. and what happened that summer when you were fifteen? you would ask me, trying to get me back when I suddenly stop speaking. I would shake my head, all things forgotten and far gone, and start over. maybe a few hours later I would remember, grab bits and pieces and make them fit together again. I would say, I went to the fair and ate five caramel apples, or, that was when I lost everything.

I leave a trail behind me wherever I go. it’s not that I want to find my way back, just in case, or even that I just want someone to find me, for once. it’s just that I like the feeling of being remembered. I feel it. I feel it like leftover sweetness.

It gets dark, cold. you wouldn’t offer me your coat because you’re just not that kind of guy. besides, your coat would look terrible on me anyway. we stand a distance apart, our favorite books and photographs in between us. that distance keeps me from running. that distance keeps it safe. it’s beautiful here, you would say. or maybe I would say it. or maybe it goes without saying. streetlights and stars, cement and water, foundations of beauty."

/colinh

7YEARS

"That does it for me, then. I'm not going to believe in any damned revolution. Love is all I'm going to believe in."

"Peace," I said.

"Peace," said Midori.

/Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

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Met up with Pow wee lik finally, since forever. Had amazing fish, great talk, and a ride on his bike. It's been a year; either his driving skill has improved, or I've become bolder haha it was awesome, to have made friends with the wind ahaha

AMADEUS

Mozart: Sire, only opera can do this. In a play if more than one person speaks at the same time, it's just noise, no one can understand a word. But with opera, with music... with music you can have twenty individuals all talking at the same time, and it's not noise, it's a perfect harmony!

/Amadeus

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I dont think I can ever listen to Mozart's music the same way anymore hahahaha but after watching it, I'm even more in love with Gran Partita !! Great film to watch. Whether or not you're a fan of Mozart. I miss MEP. Kinda. Alittle, haa

Tennis at SICC ystd was great; havent had a good workout in a long while. But super cui, I woke up this morning with rly bad body aches :s but they're gone now hehe.

I wore my jeans with both sides rolled up to the YOG soccer match, but my left side kept unrolling itself (which leads me to believe that my left calf is smaller than my right) so I decided to leave it hahaha ok abit random.



Anyway, it was an exciting match between Singapore and Montenegro. Glad that I went aha, will try to post up the pictures asap !!

Bright Star soundtrack playlist (:

SEPARATE WAYS

So strange and vast the space between us,
I never knew of Mars and Venus until now,
I, thought whole world revolved around us
You and I with paint and canvas, words and standards,
And yet, somehow, it never came to pass,
So broad were the shoulders that lift and carry others,
And so narrow were the minds of lovers,
And we were like the fables, lifted from the pages of the Middle Ages,
But what was our has faded,
Still, we turn gazes into paintings and feelings into words and phrases,
So strange and vast, the space between the present and the past,
Tell me what you want is it what your said and what you mean?
We were feeling daze when first we heard the phrase,
Go out separate ways
Go out separate ways
Go out separate ways

If only I was.
(Yiling once told me that I'm like a monster when I'm angry hahahahahhaha)

Boy, do I not like yue jing.
DIRISAAAAAAA

You know. It seems like I've been spending my holidays uploading pictures on facebook hahahahaha so today's a good day cos I finally managed to do some work. Just two pages of drawings hahahahaha not much, but still.

Justine gave me homework today haha, she asked me a tough question which I've been thinking about recently as well.

Anyhows, Singapore is so small, I met Nabil today at Cityhall station haha and I've met lik Ammanda Caroline Cinli Gelin and Gordon on the streets since I came back ! Okay, mayb not A LOT of people, just six.. but still haha

And today was like yesterday. Sian --> (Y)
It was super sian, cos I woke up to find out I wont be gng for the YOG soccer game -.- but the night ended better than how the day started, and I'm gng for the finals on Wednesday so yah aha. Not like I REALLY-definitely-omgg want to go, but last-minute changes which affect all your other plans) makes me........

I hope your day ended well too.. (actually, more like, I hope your day will be good tmr) if not, I hope this does it



Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."

/The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky

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Anyway, I watched Inglorious Basterds last night. It actually wasnt on my movie list cos both Derrick and someone else (Shiming, is it ?) watched it and told me it was a waste of time haha, but my brothers were screening it on the tv from the laptop when I reached home last night (woop woop). Andddd, I actually really enjoyed it ! Haha, Christoph Waltz is really good !

Listening to The Smiths now. Two songs are on replay haha
I feel so full. Ate too much for lunch.

Aye. Less than a month left. Dont like.

"The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays."
/Søren Kierkegaard

-

It has been a good week.
Prayer meetings were good.

Brokenness, submission, and total surrender.

& THE RAIN IN MY HEAD

Does everyone seem taller than usual? She said & I said that's what happens when you stop pretending you don't care.

/storypeople.com

I dint want to be involved initially, but after reading her recent posts (more like attacks actually) on my favourite girl Esther Debra Leong, I feel angry lah haha, need to say sth esp after reading statements like "No matter how much you try to prove to me I still think you are trash (trash bags are black too) hahahahhahaha"

"Only God judges me, not you. I think you're the sort of believer who don't even feel remorseful/sinful for outrightly spouting nonsense about people. Pretentious." - This made me cringe. Arent you judging her as well.. if you rly think she's judging you, all I can think is pot calling the kettle black, much ?

If you're questioning her motive and think that she's saying things to make you feel bad, shldnt you also question yourself when you keep harping on her retaining.

And if you think that she's not pretty and hence, is in no position to say that you're ugly, do you then think you're very pretty when you say things like "Buck toothed fat face with trashy hairstyle." and "sorry, even my bf says you have a fuck face."


(Yigal Azrouel, BCBG, and Jeremy Laing)

Regarding fashion sense and style.
Okay. You probably think that I'm her friend so obviously I'll think her dressing's damn good, and according to what you said about being "fashionable or not having wardrobe malfunction is not for you to say for yourself. IT'S FOR OTHERS TO SEE AND JUDGE HAHAH 不要脸 ttm." (I know the last part of the quote is irrelevant, but I just think it's amusing haa) I've seen it, and judged it. But what I dont understand is, does this 'others' exclude her ? I believe she has seen your dressing and judged it, and hence, resulting in you making that statement.

Okay, but to be objective.
Everyone dresses differently, and lik, fashion is always changing so we cant exactly rely on what's the trend now etc to judge who's good or not. I think what's most important is that you wear what suits you and makes you look good. So if she can make "Super wtf hairstyle and erm ugly black and vintage garbage draping" on her look good (which she does), her style is good. I mean, if something doesnt look good on you, and someone else wears it, it doesnt mean that that someone else has bad fashion sense and style..

Lastly.
"I thought you didn't want to care about me, why read my blog, why bother about the content? Why are you starting another round of personal attack? Too free? Or don't wanna study and wanna be retained again? What do you want to achieve out of all that you've said?"

Dont you think you shld ask yourself those questions as well.. I srsly think this whole thing's rly lame it's not even funny anymore.

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

/Maya Angelou

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The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

In between alarms gng off, there are always moments in my semi-conscious state, where I've to make a decision; to wake up there and then, or sleep just alittle teeny weeny bit more. And once I've decided, there's no turning back (in the case of the latter). I'm either early (though not that often), just on time, or very late. Yes, I'm either not late, or very late (usually resulting in a plan B or the cancellation of appointments :S) haha

I think it's the same with almost anything else.
There are alot of things I would like to do. But we all know that wanting to do something, and actually doing it, are different. Sometimes, even before doing anything, I think about all the problems (long day, tired, lack of sleep etc.), get lazy, and decide to just procrastinate (sleep alil more), and I end up not doing anything at all (cancelling my appts), or deciding to do sth easier (plan Bs). I need to crucify my flesh more haa

And I like the feeling after morning prayer meetings. I dont know, it just feels fresh. Like I'm young again, with endless possibilities. It's like, if I can wake up that early to pray, I can do almost anything else haha !

"Proposition three: kill time and live forever."

/The Passion of New Eve, Angela Carter

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Yay. I'm hairpea. Bought new intimates wahahahaha okay. I'm sorry if you're a guy and had to have read that. Anyhows, I think my eyeliner plays a huge part in making me look like my age. I dint put on any today, and was getting my voucher and applying for the lucky draw thing, and the guy was lik Oh but you wont be able to take part in- EHHH !?- scare me please hahahaha cos he thought I was under 18, but then he saw my i/c. Ok. And if you ever had a chance to see my i/c (which you never will haha :p), you will know I look really horrible in it, serious. The guy asked me if the person was me -.-

And I just got my phone bill; I've sent over 1000sms since I came back :S Ok but I think my mum's not angry, cos I kind of saw it coming and gave her some money last month aha

And there's no way out. No possibility of finding an exit. You've wandered into a labyrinth of time, and the biggest problem of all is that you have no desire at all to get out. Am I right?

/Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami

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Today was a wowow wee wow day.
Met up with Feli and someone whom I've not talked to (yes, talked to) for FIVE YEARS. Gosh, it feels really good to have met Clara agn. She has not changed one bit ! And the best thing was that we ate orange bowl together ahahahaha oh & Feli and I met our stnicks band conductor, Ms Sia ! It's strange cos she looks exactly the same aha, and of course, still as fierce (though not towards us seniors hehe). And she still rmbs us :>

Speaking of which, orange bowl Uncle Pang rmbs me !! I know how lik, some teachers or canteen vendors might lik, pretend and say 'oh ya I rmb you' cos students always come up to them, but serious, he rmbs me okay. We had a chance to talk to him briefly today (yeah, his business is so good, it's so hard to talk to him other than to order our food :p), and he was commenting how I've grown fatter (oh, the horror), and that I am not as dark as before. Ok, but he shld rmb me okayyy, considering I have been eating orangebowl almost every weekday since I entered Stnicks primary baha.

Went for prayer meeting at Riverwalk next. I initially thought I'll be all alone, but Benj Chingfeng Kevin Marcus and Shiming were there too :D Aha. Met up with Feli and Alicia aft that for dinner at Marina Sq, and we saw the fireworks ! I've not met Alicia since last year, so it was just awesome. A pity Qianya cldnt make it :< But anyhows, we had dessert at Xinwang, where I tried the peanut butter & condensed milk toast. It's really delicious, but I feel bloated now :s, and I wld write more and post pictures, but I'm gng for morning PM tmr (or rather, later) so I'm gna wash up and sleeeeep (:

You wake up, and it feels like you've not slept at all. Bad, just bad. Really grumpy. I wish my thoughts will stop messing with me.

A quote from The Perks of being a Wallflower (again, I know, but what to do, it's a great book ! haha) to sum up today,

There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.

...And I thought about how many people have loved those songs. And how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs. And how much those songs really mean. I think it would be great to have written one of those songs. I bet if I wrote one of them, I would be very proud. I hope the people who wrote those songs are happy. I hope they feel it's enough. I really do because they've made me happy. And I'm only one person.

/ The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky

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Random thought #1 I think it'll be lovely to receive a mixtape.
Random thought #2 I think you're getting alil out of hand there.
Random thought #3 I think suppers are awesome. (Okay, not rly random since I just came back from supper hehe, a reward for running today !)

Excited for tmr ♥

♥s today:
/Sewing in the morning HAHAHA (finally doing something)
/Lunching with my favourite girl Estherdebra, which was the best decision I've ever made on the spot
/Having my feet eaten by fish tgt with Tan Yulin wahahahaha; second best decision I've ever made on the spot. (Have to wait for Pam to upload picturezz, but we were very unglam :s)
/Talking to Dirisami Kumar online now wheehee

And of course, waking up super early today (8am, ahem) despite sleeping rly late last night (lik 3plus.. but hey, I did attempt to sleep early but I cldnt even though I was tired !). What an achievement hehe.

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library.

/Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami

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Whee. I got my laptop back ! I think they helped me clean my keyboard.. ahahah :D It feels really good to have it back even though it was only away for two days. I've to install all my programs agn though. My adobe photoshop >< Anyhows, must really thank Shiming for her toshiba ! Picasa3 is actually quite a good program, considering it's free.

Watched Aftershock just now. It's a really touching movie. I did not sleep last night but managed to stay awake throughout the whole movie without much difficulty which I think, says alot about the movie. Great amazing actors, except for the angmoh dude haha, the whole scene sounded like a badly dubbed Japanese anime. But yah, apart from that, I was basically trying to hold back my tears the whole time ahaha, good thing I watched with family waha :p

UNITY

"And all the books you've read have been read by other people. And all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people. and that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing 'unity."

/The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky

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Makes me wonder.
Who actually listens to the songs I post. Or reads the books I quote.

I wonder if there are strangers who read my blog, and where are they from. Or people whom I know, but choose to remain unknown. Who are the one-off readers, and who follows. How many skip and scan through, and how many actually read. Ohwell.

Btw. The Asus guy called me today, and my laptop has been repaired and is ready for collection :D Woop woop, Praise the Lord !!!