One thing that has been on my mind.
With so many people leaving London this Summer, (not quite sure how to put it but) it seems like it's everyone's last weekend every weekend. Jiayi asked me quite a while back if I think I'd actually still be in contact with anyone after that. I said no. I do believe we'll still all be friends, but I just dont think we'll be in contact (at least not consistently). We might meet up twice every year or sth, and thats about it I guess. And I dont think it necessarily means it's a bad thing. Cos there are those friends whom you have already established a good foundation, have a mutual understanding of the r/s, and share the same wavelength/frequency, so even if you meet after a long time of not talking to each other, you guys can still talk forever.
Okay, but thats not my point.
The thing is, it is hard to maintain a r/s even when both parties are in the same country, so what's more when both are 7/8hours and miles apart ? Not trying to give myself excuses for any failing r/s maintainence, cos I know that if both sides are committed, it'll def work. It just makes me wonder how many people/things can a person be committed to. Family, spouses, bestfriend, close friends, good friends, colleagues mayb, work, watering the plants, keeping a pet dog, pri/sec sch cliques, replying emails, feeding the goldfish, maintaining a website, children.. etcetc.
And I'm also thinking how it's lik- when I'm here, I'm here; when I'm there, I'm there. Things here remains here, and things there remains there. Sure, there'll be some overlaps here and there, but they'll never quite merge properly.. just awkwardly. I am not complaining; it's just that sometimes I feel it's like, I'm leading two different and separate lives. When I'm back there, I feel foreign, and when I'm back here, I feel foreign again (okay I dont feel foreign for the whole period of time when I'm at wherever, but just the whole adapting agn after being comfortable and feeling like home at wherever I was at before). I can never be both here and there. As long as nothing's settled, I'll never quite belong to any.. bcos somehow, some parts of my heart will always be at the other.
A few days ago, Jiang asked me a question and I found myself struggling to give a definite answer. If you asked me a year ago, I wld have been able to give an answer straightaway. But I'm not so sure anymore. My heart has been touched, and many things have been blurred.
But I guess, if I think on the bright side, I've got two homes now.
Though it can get quite confusing. For my puny brain & heart.
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