FLAWED

Maha was saying this in the car a few days ago, that she felt sorry for those who worked really hard and went overboard in first year, only to find that first year results doesnt count.

I totally understand and know how she feels, maybe not in the aspect of the academic (maybe I dont work very hard, but I did work reasonably hard for my first year okay haa), but in other areas of my life. But feeling sorry or guilty doesnt help me much at all. Sometimes, I feel lik, because I know I dont really deserve it all, I just decide to take a backseat, to wait and see, watch myself fail. And say to myself, see I knew I dint deserve this afterall (such self-indulgence, I know).

I dont know if you know what I mean, but sometimes, I secretly wish for something really bad to happen to me. To test myself; see if I'd actually do something about something, and to find out what my limits are, and who I actually am.


It's days like these I'm reminded of how flawed I really am.
But it also reminds me of how beautiful the love of God actually is.