We are persons stultified by fear. Fear of falling, fear of moving, fear of anything that does not come to us easily. And I'm so tired and angry about this fear that pins me down and keeps me waiting. Yet, she is right. In terms of absolute manhours (especially in terms of school hours where days are counted in weeks), why the panic and the unrest? It's way too early, way too short, way too fast to be lurching in any direction. Yet, when the tense is past, probably nothing will ever bring it back. I suppose it's a good and bad thing that we never know the consequences of our actions in the future. Otherwise, it would probably paralyse us all completely into inaction. Or it could jolt us into taking a step in the right direction.
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I'm so easily happied when it comes to things like, receiving my shoes from UO (strange, cos it's a Sunday) ♥ ♥ ♥ or like, vacuuming the flat haha yes I enjoy vacuuming. Seeing things get sucked up, oh joy. And also, resisting the temptation to finish all the food (and chocs and tarts and etc) when I'm already full- proud of myself, such willpower, I know.
But when it comes to matters of the heart, somehow I try not to let myself get too happy and have myself prepared for the worst. It just scares me that I'm not in control. I cant control how much pain I'll feel if things ever go wrong. And because I cant control how things will go, I start to control other things; install a filter, build a dam and lay some bricks. With things like shoes, I can always just get another pair (ok maybe not, got to check my bank statement first aha). Then again, where's that supposed trust one shld have in You and a r/s ?
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