Helplessness.
I kept telling myself 'I can do it, I can do it'.
But the truth was, I couldnt.
Not by myself. Not with my own strength. No, I couldnt.
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[...]
"Jacob had a high motivation to cry out to God to help him as his brother Esau and 400 men waited on the other side of the river Jabbok and the last thing he had heard Esau say was, "I'm going to kill Jacob." In facing Esau he was in desperation and feared for his very life so he got alone with God and got honest with Him about his sin. When The Man asked him his name and he replied, "Jacob," it was a confession of what his name and nature had always been - a schemer and grabber trying to make life work in his own steam. Then the Lord touched his thigh and put it out of joint (a picture of breaking his natural strength) and Jacob clung to Him even more strongly (a picture of bold faith) in his now realized weakness and said in so many words: "please bless me and help me, I really need you God." That is when God changed his name and his nature from Jacob, the schemer, to Israel, one who has struggled with God and man and prevailed - in the strength of God. Brokenness does not mean will-less resignation to God's will but willingly yielding our will to His will. This is pictured in Jacob clinging to God to receive His strength to do His will. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (to do His will). Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isa. 40:29-31)
God leads us to brokenness even as the horse trainer breaks the wild stallion so it can be useful to its master. A broken stallion is not powerless but its power is now under the control of its master."
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